AMAZING KIDS!

Ten Keys To Amazing Kids!

Lately, Penny and I have been getting lots of comments about how much people love our kids and the positive influence that they are having on the families of their friends and neighbors. That is something that is deeply gratifying to a parent and has caused me to try to share some of my thoughts on how this has come to be.

First of all, lest anyone should think that I am assuming a "better than thou" attitude here, I hope that you will understand that we still have plenty of flaws and meltdowns! Just about the time when you think you are really something special, Heavenly Father has a way of gently reminding you that you're still not perfect!

Fortunately for us, most of our challenges happen within the walls of our own home where we can deal with them, hopefully, properly. We have found over the years that if we are willing to put up with the molding and shaping in the private moments of our own home, then when they go out into the world, they tend to actually perform in the way we have been trying to teach them. 

One thing that I will share about us is that we haven't just lucked out. We have been on a search from very early on in our marriage to find out if there really are some true principles that would govern raising great kids. Fortunately, over the years we have come across a piece here and a piece there and those ideas have all come together and born the kind of fruit that we were searching for.

So what are our Ten Keys To Amazing Kids?

I think you will notice quickly that we couldn't narrow the list down to just 10! The second thing that you will quickly note are that a huge percentage of these principles aren't really things to teach your kids to do, but instead, things that you need to work on becoming and doing yourself! Ouch!

Lastly, if you don't agree with something I say, think about this; if you are not getting the results that you want with what  you are already doing and someone else is, maybe it's time to really ponder why their thinking process is so different from yours? That could mean that maybe, it's time to let go of some long held paradigms of what we think is proper parenting. We have definitely had to do that ourselves on a couple of topics!

I promise you that very few of these principles were arrived at without some serious thought and searching and also some trial and error. Several of these ideas are even a vastly different direction from the one we started in. But we came up with them by trying one course of action and finding out that it didn't produce the results that we were looking for, so we changed... sometimes completely! 

So in no particular order and with very little explanation, (that would require a seminar!) these are some of the most important principles we have found.

First, get your priorities in the right order: God first, SPOUSE next, Kids third! Not kids before spouse except in very rare instances where the spouse is dangerous to the kids. In that case, find a new spouse! Be on the same team as your spouse!

Teach them Who and What God is, Who they are in relation to Him, and Why He went to all of the trouble to create this earth. Teach them what their ultimate potential to become is! If you don't know, find out! It's important! This one concept alone probably has more power to change the behaviors and outcomes of your family than any other single principle all by itself!

Understand your true relationship to your children. They are not your property, they are your spirit brothers and sisters and we have a stewardship to help them grow up learning how to become like our Father!

Get rid of all of your "Victim Mentality" thinking and teach them the same thing. Take total responsibility for all outcomes in your life. No matter who might do something else to you, the only positive solution is for you to own the problem and take responsibility for fixing it. No one else will ever fix it for you!

Examine your traditions and your paradigms about life and raising kids with a critical eye. Know WHY you do and believe WHAT you do and believe. Be willing to change when you find more truth.

Expect the best out of them, not the worst. They will rise to the level of your expectations. (Or Fall) Accept, Approve and Appreciate instead of Criticize, Condemn, and Complain! Be the Sunshine in their lives instead of the Rain-cloud! 

You can't teach self-discipline and obedience by teaching obedience and harshly disciplining them. What? The only way to truly teach them these things is by Inspiring, Teaching, Mentoring, Encouraging, Praising and Leading by Example. The way to teach obedience is to teach them WHY they would want to be obedient...to God! (It has an amazing upside!) They will obey you when they love and respect you and feel valued, not when they are taught to be obedient. Obedience is a gift that is given to one who has won your heart!

One of the most important chunks of parenting information that we have ever learned and applied has been "Personality Styles", "Love Languages" and "Love and Respect". These are vastly important! They are taught in 3 of our favorite books. ("Personality Plus", "5 Love Languages", "Love and Respect") Don't just read about them, STUDY them in detail! Repeatedly!

You can't have Quality Time without Quantity Time! Quality Time is and out growth of Quantity Time - Not a replacement for it!

Inspire curiosity in the world around them! Teach them to ask Why, What, How, Where types of questions about their surroundings.

Inspire them to READ, LISTEN, and ASSOCIATE to learn to grow. Read to them from inspiring stories not just entertainment books. Constantly read, learn and work on improving yourself! Consider paying them to read good books, (your list) instead of doing chores. Chores are a part of being a family not work.

Help them to associate with people who are pursuing excellence in their lives.

They need to see you pursuing a passion instead of arm-chair quarterbacking the world around you and them. Include them in a family goal and vision instead of just being the "soccer mom" to their every whim. It's okay for them to understand that the whole world doesn't revolve around them. (Nicely)

Find ways to work together on projects and make work fun and rewarding instead of drudgery. Teach them the joy of creating and becoming!

Make sure that their goals are really THEIR goals! Not just yours for them.

Teach them how to choose, set, pursue and accomplish goals. Start small. Teach them to be a finisher. Sometimes a goal requires course correction, but adjust and push through to the finish. Teach them to chase passion and purpose and let things be rewards instead of the main issue. What you become is more important than what you get. 

Teach them to be active, healthy and physically fit whether they do a sport or not.

As teenagers, teach them that great privileges come when they choose to Teach You To Trust Them.

When looking for more great parenting principles, only look to and listen to those who have fruit on the tree AND KNOW EXACTLY WHY they do! Choose to learn principles over strategies!

Like I said earlier, this subject could require a full seminar to really even begin discussing this subject adequately. Actually we could arrange to do that if it was important to you! Most importantly, don't take any piece of new info at face value until you have examined it carefully to see if it really is a true principle instead of just someone's pet theory!

Have an awesome day and Happy Parenting!

WHAT IS YOUR FAMILY'S LEGACY?

Within the last year I have attended the funerals of two of my Dad's brothers. Both of these have been wonderful men who, with their wives, have raised great families. Because we have lived several states away for nearly 30 years, our contact with the family has been rather sporadic. However, every time I get the opportunity to be with my cousins, (there are 24 of us) I am deeply impressed with the caliber of people who God has sent to this family!

All of us can trace our roots back to Edmund and Lucille Tapp and their ranch out north of Boise City, Oklahoma. Our memories of those times spent together as kids getting to know each other and forming lifelong friendships almost always go back to "The Ranch".  It is such a powerful memory that it seems like anytime we gather in Boise City, it almost always involves a trip back out to the ranch. It's like a time machine for us.

Why?

 Many of us, especially the older ones can remember many Christmases, Thanksgivings and summers spent there with Grandad, Grandma and each other. We rode horses, hiked the hills, and went on "cattle inspection" tours with Grandad in his trusty Scout to see the sights on this wonderful corner of our little world.

What was it about our experiences there that had such a lasting impact on so many of us?

While Grandad and Grandma might have had a few minor flaws, they were special people who did everything they could to create the foundations of something wonderful, and I believe potentially, very powerful there. They raised a family of 8 sons who have each turned out to be truly amazing men in their own rights. They also inspired in their 24 grandchildren a love for the land we live in and a driving sense of character that has created some truly amazing people as a personal legacy.

 Over the years, as I have visited with these cousins at various family functions, I never leave without feeling a deep sense of connection with them. In the last several years, this has grown within me to the point that I frequently ask myself the question, what amazing things could this family accomplish if we could all come together in a common purpose? The more I ponder that question, the more incredible that potential becomes!

That thinking process has inspired me to try to lead my own family in such a way so that we might build upon the foundation of the legacy that was handed to us and create something even greater with our generation. I have heard it described as having been born on third base and all that is left for us to do is to run home to accomplish something great!

All too often I see people who place no value on the legacy that they have been given. They live their lives without any real sense of purpose and when their lives are done they have either camped out on third base or even slipped backwards to second, first or even all the way back to the dugout!  They ultimately waste the legacy that was passed to them.

One of the driving, fundamental motivations in my life is to take this foundation that I have been given and to build upon it. I want to get better myself, to raise a great generation of offspring who are prepared to take this legacy to an even higher level, and to influence other people to begin to do the same with themselves and their families. I want to leave this world a better place for my having been here.

Almost our entire world seems to be so caught up in the struggle of just existing, that by far the largest percentage of us, end up settling for mediocrity in most areas of our lives, when, if we could just see it, excellence is actually available to us.

Over the last year I have begun having this discussion with some of my extended family and I am finding that I am not the only one sensing this. I am going to go out on a limb here and suggest that I believe that God put our family together here on this earth, at this time, for a purpose! He has laid a foundation through our ancestors that would raise up a generation of people with the character and faith to go out and have such a positive impact on this world that this legacy will resonate throughout the next several hundred years!

Alone, I see each of us impacting the lives of some of those around us in significant ways. That is why I believe that together, the compounded effects of our efforts could be exponentially greater.

What could be the Tapp Family Legacy of this generation? Could we, together, have an even more profound effect on this world around us? Could we become a powerful force for good by combining our talents, gifts and efforts in a common cause?

 Too often when we try to find companions for our causes we have to go out searching among the community and the world around us. Why not start with this group of people who already share a common foundational bond?

I would like to have this discussion with more members of my family. I believe that we have a mission here. If we would band together around the right principles, and gather the ability to influence more and more people around us, then the power of who we are and what we stand for could begin to radiate out from this core group to influence hundreds and even thousands of people in this world. I believe that we could ultimately reach literally millions! This world could be a much better place with the right influences. Why not us?

Every time I stand on that lonely, windswept hillside in northwestern Oklahoma at the Garrett Cemetery looking out at the amazing group of people gathered there to celebrate another great life, and I ponder the paths of those already laid to rest there, I can't help but ask myself the question...What If...? What could We Together accomplish?

Anybody up for a challenge?

I put that challenge out there to my own family, but what about yours? What legacy have you been given? Are you consciously looking to improve upon it? Maybe the legacy you have been handed is not one that you are proud of. Who's going to break the cycle and start something new and wonderful? Why not you?

Tell me what you think!

LEAD WHERE YOU ARE AT!

On Saturday I had the privilege to attend one of the most powerful leadership seminars I've ever been to! So often you come away from something like this inspired, but Dan Hawkins really shared a vision about why leadership is so important in every area of our lives and how you and I have the power to begin implementing positive change where it matters. I am sharing my notes here in the hopes that they will be a useful starting point for anyone who believes that their results in some area of their life could be much better.

Hope you find this as valuable as I did.

Are you Leading Where You Are At?


Notes: DAN HAWKINS Seminar

LIFE Leadership Talk:

Is there anything more obvious than the lack of leadership throughout our society today?

All you have to do is look at our score board in many different areas to see that principle-based leadership is sorely lacking.

We are seeing too much of a management mindset (trying to manage everything from the top down) instead of a true leadership mindset everywhere.

Empower individuals to lead right where they are at today. (Empowering individuals brings infinitely greater results to the entire organization than just relying on one individual to lead.)

A Leadership mindset is not just working on the top guys in the organization (that's a management mindset), true leadership permeates all the way through the organization to teach every single member of the team to be able to lead right where they are at.

I love the term which best illustrates this concept: Replacement Driven Leadership!

5 Key Steps to build Leadership with in your organization:

1) Build Competence - ("I don't know what to do" becomes a non-issue)
     Teach principles
     Learning requires humility - If you are not hungry to learn...It's because you are too full of yourself!
     True leadership means building leaders in your organization who may be more competent than you.
          That's how your organization can begin to function without you - leaving you free to do other things.

2) Encourage your people to take ownership
     Teach them to think and make decisions based on what you have taught them.
     Allow them the leeway to fail and learn from it.
     Seek feedback and ideas.

3) Inspire confidence
     Put your people into environments and opportunities to learn and grow.
     Create an environment where failure is ok - after all it is the pathway to success if you learn from it.
     Don't repeat the same failure over and over - If you are not learning from it, then you are not on the  path  to success, you are only on the path to more failure.
     Overcoming problems builds confidence and ability.

4) Create a climate and culture of learning -
     Your only competitive advantage is your (entire) organization's ability to out learn the competition.
     Don't pay me $30k to come speak to you for only a small blip on your radar screen - instead, create a     culture of learning within your organization. It will be much more effective and much less expensive.
     How? - Read and listen to the same material and share with your team 3 things you learned. Then share 3 things you can apply it to today
     This creates a culture of discussion, brain storming and positive competition among groups.
     You can't just buy training materials from someone like us and give them to your people. You have to lead out in creating the culture of using them and discussing ways to apply them for the betterment of the organization.

5) Foster mutual responsibility - Everybody acting like a leader within their own stewardship.

Ways To Implement This Culture:

A) Stop Making All The Decisions From The Top
     Avoid a "Chain Of Command" mentality where every decision has to be made or ratified from the top.
     Give your people leeway to make decisions, fail and make mistakes.
     Teach them to act to solve problems - That is what makes them the most valuable to your organization!
     Who is more likely to come up with the right solution to a problem? The guy at the top who is somewhat  removed from the scene of the action or the person who is right there in the middle of it every day?
     In politics, bring the decision making down to the local level where the problems actually exist.

B) Stop talking at staff meetings (if you're the boss).
     If you are talking, you can't be listening.
     Would you rather have 100% of your own abilities running the organization or a smaller percentage of all of your people's abilities running your organization?

C) Set up coaching opportunities - Opportunities to perform and then be mentored (not criticized)
     Opportunities to teach PDCA (Plan Do Check Adjust)
 
D) Invite your people to assume responsibility -
     If you are "The Guy" you severely limit your potential!

E) Give every person a customer to serve - Or someone to lead

F) Share the Big Picture - Make your actions match your vision statement
     Share it and Live it

G) Use modeling to teach these competencies - Set the example in every area.

Think of your organization's effectiveness and even profits in terms of a score board.

Let's say you are leading an organization of 100 people; yourself, 4 "managers", and 95 other employees. If you naturally produce let's say 50 points yourself, your managers naturally produce 25 points, and your employees naturally produce 10 points.Your total score would be...1100 points.

If you could maximize yourself and your leadership abilities, giving it everything you've got, let's give you a score of 100 points. That means that you raised your total score to 1150 points. But you were working your fanny off! How long can you maintain that pace and what happens when you back off a little?

Now lets say that you work really hard with your 4 managers and get them to double their effectiveness along with your full effort. So you at 100, them at 50 points average. How does that look? Total score... 1250!

Third scenerio: Let's say you work at implementing the principles Dan was teaching above. You develop a culture of learning and growth and teach everyone of your employees how to lead where they are at. Let's say that you help every individual in your organization including yourself and your managers to only improve themselves an average of 10 points. Now what happens? Total score... 2200 points! You doubled your original score!

Plus you are developing a natural culture of leadership and growth that doesn't require your constant attention and oversight. Your organization becomes a well spring of ideas, innovation and progress.

Then what happens if 10 of your people actually catch the vision and add another 30 points to their own performance? That's another 300 points.

Do you see how this culture of teaching people to lead where they are at can produce far better results than just trying to maximize the effectiveness of a very few people in the organization?

WHAT IF WE TAKE ONE MILLION PEOPLE AND GET THEM TO START LEADING RIGHT WHERE THEY ARE AT RIGHT NOW?

COULD THAT BEGIN TO CHANGE OUR COUNTRY?



Obviously these are just my notes, but if the general gist of what he was teaching resonates with you, contact me so I can get you more of the details.

Have an awesome week!

THE INSTITUTE FOR FAMILY LEADERSHIP

DO I NEED TO BE A LEADER IN MY FAMILY?

Most of us have invested a large portion of our lives and a considerable amount of money in learning how to be effective in a career or business.

Many of us have also spent thousands of dollars and untold hours on our children for sports programs, music training, dance, riding lessons, etc.

But, how much have we invested in learning the tried and proven principles that build successful marriages and family relationships? Are we hungry to learn what makes a great relationship work or are we just living by the seat of our pants?

Did you know that there are specific principles that you can apply that will make any relationship work more smoothly? It doesn't matter whether it is already good or bordering on disastrous, learning what makes each other tick and acting accordingly can change everything!

Remember the familiar saying; No other success can compensate for failure in the home.

Here is a timeless formula that governs every aspect of our lives:

Information -> Thinking -> Actions -> Results

Look at any area of your life.  Are you satisfied? If not the answer lies in working backwards through this formula and finding which piece is missing! Most of the time the answer is correct information.

Shouldn’t leadership in our families involve making sure that we learn, practice and pass on to our posterity a legacy of the solid principles required to have a great marriage and lead a family of their own?

Why does our society not do this? The answer is that while the principles are out there and have been for ages, very few people have taken the time to learn them and teach them to others.

We believe that just teaching correct principles could literally cut the divorce rate in half in our country as well as greatly improve most parent's  ability to interact with their children effectively. We do not have to find ourselves stuck in dysfunctional family situations. 

We were not meant to fail! But just like in a career or any other endeavor, we cannot succeed in ignorance! We need to know the rules of the game!

I invite you to come learn and apply the timeless principles that will build the foundation for a strong and successful family that you can pass on to generations yet to come.

 These principles are like having the correct set of tools to work on a project. 

Wrong Tools - Poor Results! Right Tools - Successful Outcome!

Invest in that which matters most in life, the people closest to you, your family!

Need some direction? Just ask!

Personality Styles - A Foundational Principle

As I read and listen to people teach about how to learn the skills of dealing with people in an optimum manner, I always end up coming back around to how foundational it is to understand that there are different personality styles.

Why is that so important?

Because no matter what other principle you are teaching or attempting to apply, if you don't understand that different personality styles react differently to different inputs, then you are constantly stuck in the mode of trying to fit round pegs into square holes!

Your new principle works great sometimes. At other times it seems to work fairly well, and at yet other times it doesn't seem to work at all. Why? I thought principles worked all of the time.

They do! But often the application of the principle requires a tweak here and there to apply it properly to the individual's personality.

I have a situation going on in my life right now where I am working on a project with a friend who doesn't understand this concept. I know his heart is in the right place and that he is a great person, but there is a lot of friction going on because this principle is being violated each time we sit down to work together.

If we want to get optimum results in anything that involves dealing with other people, we absolutely must understand that there are core, fundamental differences in the ways people think, act and perceive the world around them.

As I speak with many different people about this concept of personality styles, I find that probably 75% of them have been exposed to the idea in one form or another. However, the more I learn about it and watch people try to apply it in their interactions, the more I become aware how important it is to delve into it more deeply.

Probably the most common mistake that I see is that we tend to view all of the other personalities from the perspective of our own style instead of trying to understand them from a more neutral perspective. That might sound complicated, but it is really at the core of applying this principle.

So where do we start? I always begin by recommending the book, "Personality Plus" by Florence Littauer. However this is such a deep subject that I believe it is important to dig into 2 or 3 other books to be able to learn more from different perspectives. Robert Rohm has another great one called "Positive Personality Profiles" that I really like.

Another great way to learn about it is to listen to as many audio recordings of people teaching about it as you can. They allow you to learn from yet another perspective of someone who is trying to apply the principle in their everyday life.

Dig into this concept and you will begin to see your interactions with other people in your life make a lot more sense!

Good luck and have an awesome day!

Book Recommendation: Confidence and Power...

I just finished re-reading a truly great book. It was so timely to me that I decided that I would go through it again this week even one more time!

What is amazing to me is that, often with a really good book, even though you may have read it multiple times, it all seems like fresh material again. I know that I have read this one at least twice before within the last several years, and yet so many things that he was teaching really struck me as though they were completely new this time around!

The book is titled: How To Have Confidence And Power In Dealing With People by Les Giblin.

When you have a group of widely read multi-millionaires like the Policy Council at TEAM/LIFE who recommend a book like this as one of their Top 5 books of all time for you to read and reread, I think that speaks volumes for the caliber of what it contains! That's how I came to be curious about it several years ago.

In my opinion, this is probably one of the most comprehensive books on how develop human relationships that I have ever read! It only lacks one key principle as far as I'm concerned. That is that I believe that a serious study of Personality Styles is a critical prerequisite to anyone who wants to learn how to be more effective with people.

Other than that concept you could literally spend a whole year in a serious study of the concepts in this book. Each chapter addresses a specific topic and is broken down into several different ideas and illustrations of how to apply it.

One of the key things that makes a truly great book is its readability. This one has it over the top! He has a simple writing style. He avoids using big, hard to understand words and illustrates his principles with stories and anecdotes instead of facts and figures.

One of the key principles that stood out to me this time was the concept of Accept, Approve, Appreciate. Learning to give away these gifts to other people is one of the most powerful and empowering skills that you can learn in your lifetime!

Go pick up a copy at your local bookstore, Amazon or contact me!

Have an awesome day!

A Tale of Two Lumberyards

I want to illustrate my point about the power of great customer relations with a personal story here.

In a past life I was a building and remodeling contractor in our town of about 60k people for over 25 years! Obviously that entailed purchasing a lot of material from the local lumberyards over the years. I've learned that there can be a huge difference in the way different companies approach relating to their customers.

What should be the goals of the interactions with your customers? If understood correctly, great customer relations can maximize sales per visit, and by increasing customer satisfaction, can lead to more repeat visits and more referrals to other potential customers. Aren't those critical components to increasing your bottom line? I thought so too. That's why this story makes such a great point.

For many years, if my memory serves correctly there were basically three lumberyards in my town from which to choose from. Each one presented a different face to the public.

The first one that I began patronizing was the one nearest to my home and had been used by one of my former employers. Their customer relations face to me, the public, consisted of the guy behind the counter who always came across as arrogant, condescending, and bothered that he had to deal with me. Then when I would get out into the yard, I was constantly hassled and even insulted when I tried to pick a straight 2X4 out of the pile instead of taking the crooked ones on top.

When you are a concerned craftsman who is trying to deliver a quality product to your own client, you can imagine how that caliber of service went over with me. Needless to say, I literally have not been back to that store in over 15 years.

The second yard that I tried, developed a great reputation with me in that they almost never had what I was looking for in stock. So after almost 10 years of trying, I gave up on them too.

That left me with the third yard in town which was actually the biggest of the three. My results there weren't much better. I would go in one morning and have to track down somebody to help me, explain what I was doing and get the necessary supplies and go off to my job site. Later in the same day (or maybe the next), I would need something else and run back in. After tracking down the very same salesman, you would think that there would be some friendly recognition and continuing on from where we had left off. But no, I was always amazed that they acted as if they had never seen me before and that my trying to get them to remember what we had talked about earlier was an inconvenience.

Even today, after 25 years of going in there to purchase hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of supplies, you would think that I'd be on a first name basis with many of their employees. Not so!

After 25 years of using their business, there are literally 2 people there who know me by name. One of them is my assigned lumber rep and another is someone who I originally met somewhere else. I've never been introduced to the local manager and none of the other employees who have been asked to help me from time to time has ever acknowledged me again after our business was completed. Even though I was in there often, none of the sales people ever greeted me with any sense of recognition.

Now, I know that I am not one of the big name contractors in the area and this is not about me crying out for attention. This is simply to illustrate a point. A couple of more stories will drive it home even further.

At one time I was partnered up with a friend for awhile. When he started to go out on his own more, he went in to this store one day to place an order for some $60,000 worth of material. At the time that was the equivalent of the typical order for 2 average sized houses worth of lumber. After finally getting one of the contractor reps to sit down with him, the guy got up and left and went over to visit with one of his buddies for 10-15 minutes, leaving my partner hanging. How do you imagine that went over? Yep, Somebody else got the business!

Another perfect illustration happened at a so-called "Contractor Appreciation Day". The company invited all of the local builders in for lunch one day. They had a caterer in to serve a great hamburger lunch to all of us. Now you would think that this would be a great time for all of the company employees and managers to be out mingling and building friendships and connections with all of us. Again, I don't believe I ever saw the manager out there at all and the only real conversations I was engaged in were by the outside sales reps they had brought in to tell us about certain lines of products that hey offered.

Now why do I go to all of this length to tell you these rather negative sounding stories? To make a contrast!

One day my partner and I got involved in a project in a little town about 10 miles down the road. We had known about the smaller lumberyard in this town but had never taken the time to check it out, believing that because of its location that they would be low on inventory and high in cost. But since we were working only a couple of blocks away, we decided to check it out.

What we found amazed us! When they found out that we were contractors, the owner of the company came out to meet us and visit with us about our project and learn what other types of stuff we did. Before we left, we were introduced to all of the floor salesmen, the guy that ran the door shop, and the ones in charge of the yard. We walked out that day with a line of credit big enough to cover anything we needed on our projects and a rep who was to be personally in charge of getting us anything that we might need. It was a whole new experience.

Every time we would come in after that, we would be greeted by name and know that they had a very good handle on what we were working on and actually cared. If we needed to hurry, they were right on top of helping us get out of the door quickly. If we needed suggestions on something we were unfamiliar with, they were all over it. If we had time, they were all about developing  a friendship with us. We were always welcome in the owner's office and often he would personally drop what he was doing and help us out. We were free to sort through lumber if needed and often helped to do so.

Do you see the contrast? What do you think the result was?

For 10 years after that, almost 100% of our business went to this store! If I was working on the far side of town and needed anything significant, I would drive past all 3 of the previous yards plus another 10 miles to patronize these guys instead. It continued that way until many years later when the big box yards came to town and the owner decided to retire.

Why? One word...SERVICE!

If we want to set ourselves apart from the competition, we can do it in two ways, better selection but even more importantly, BETTER SERVICE!

Even today, if I need something for a project, I'll go to one of the big box stores (the one with the best customer service), before I finally run over to the one big lumberyard with the poor service that I was describing earlier.

Here's the bottom line, over the 25 years that I was in business here, the store with the poor customer service, even though they always had the best selection of supplies on hand, probably conservatively lost a million and a half dollars worth of my business because they just didn't seem to care whether they got it or not!

Is that significant? You tell me!

Then multiply that by how many other guys like me might have been loyal and faithful customers over all these years if they had felt valued. That number is likely to soar well into the several millions of dollars!

Is it worth the time and investment to develop a culture of great customer service? I think we just proved that point pretty clearly!

Are these principles only natural in some people or can you teach them to anybody?

In answer to that, some of the salesmen at the great yard were anything but charismatic. But they had learned how to make the customer feel appreciated and valued!

Those are the principles that we teach here! Contact me if you would like to learn more!

Hope you have a great day!

The Power of Relationship Skills!

I'm going to start a series of posts here focused on how the principles that I'm learning and teaching can impact us in our business dealings with other people as well as in our everyday interactions with those around us.

I'm running into so many situations in the business world lately where a lack of understanding of what makes people tick is creating friction between people who should be working together to reach a mutually beneficial result. This results in things like lost sales, damaged relationships, no return customers, low referral business, etc in the business world. In personal relationships, it is at the root of most of our problems too.

The ultimate solution lies in realizing that people can be understood. There are principles that govern how we act, react and interact with others. Those principles can be learned and even ultimately mastered by ANY person who is willing to delve into the learning process.

So far I have not seen a single book that covers all of the principles in one shot. However, there are a certain few, that if read and studied together, will cover most of the bases and give you a great foundation to build off of.

The best part of this whole picture is that if you will trust someone with some experience to point you at the right books, this study will actually be fun and entertaining at the same time. Reading doesn't have to be a dull boring experience like many of us learned in school. There are some great teachers out there who know how to teach with stories and funny experiences of their own that help to illustrate their points.

So from time to time on here, I am going to include a few book recommendations and reviews to resources that I feel will be universally helpful to anyone who may be reading this blog.

Learning to interact well with people can have a very positive effect on the bottom line of our businesses as well as in our relationships with every person around us. We will bring in more sales at work and actually be able to understand our spouses when we come home! Sound like a pretty good combination?

Fathers Day Fun!

Sometimes... yeah, sometimes you just gotta do it! Here's the quote of the day, stolen from my friend Mike who stole it from someone else! Are you ready? C'mon now this is serious! Here we go!

"Sometimes your knight in shining armor...is really just a retard in tin foil!"

Baaa Haaa Ha! I almost fell off of my chair laughing!  I had to share that one with Penny! Funny though, she didn't laugh quite so hard as I did...Hmmm? JK!

Just had another funny thought come up...what a great quote for Father's Day!

Sorry ladies, all too often, our horsey runs off and we find that our beautiful shining armor of bullet proof steel, turns out to be...well...tin foil! (or for some of us rednecks).... Camo!

Please... just be grateful it's not PINK!

We're working on it!

The problem is most of us are not master metal smiths, and when Old Nellie bucks us off, we get dents in our armor, wrinkles in our tinfoil, and rips in our Camo!

Please...just keep remembering it's not PINK...or mauve!!!

Since most of us aren't master metal smith's, we usually find ourselves out in the garage trying to beat it back into some semblance of shape, or we're down at the army surplus store trying to find a replacement!

The problem is that second hand steel shorts don't always fit as well as nice custom made stuff! Ever get a steel wedgie? (Or even a tinfoil one for that matter)

Please just keep remembering, we're working on it...and it's not PINK!

The neat thing is, that if our princesses are patient with us and will build us up instead of putting us down, mankind has a remarkable faculty for getting better with age! For some reason, maturity often takes much longer with males but...it can happen!


So finally one day, at some distant point in time, you will be able to look out your window and see your knight in shining armor come riding up to your castle, all gallant and fully polished! (We finally found a master metal smith who could mold us into the kind of man you've been dreaming of all these years!)

Please just remember, we're always working on it... it doesn't come easy...it's definitely not PINK, and the cool thing about Shining Armor... It's great for hiding bald heads, wrinkles, bifocals, sagging pecs, 6 paks full of jelly, skinny legs, Depends, iron wedgies, fallen arches, ingrown toe nails, all of the stuffing required to fill out that armor, and hide the training wheels on Old Nellie!

We're so grateful it's not PINK!!!

We love you princess, just the way you are!

Sorry for the digression! I just had to do that! I thought it was funny!

At least the tinfoil and iron wedgies part!

Have an awesome day!

Listening and Compliments

LISTENING

So here's my thought for today.

I've been reading about the power of being a great listener. You know the old saying, we have 2 ears and 1 mouth, we should use them in proportion.

The more I think about this, the more powerful of a principle it becomes.

In every relationship we have, whether it's family, friends, business, or even with God, do we do all of the talking or do we ask questions and listen?

The secret in sales and business is to find out what your customer wants and show them how to get it. How can you do that without listening to them?

Doesn't the same thing apply when dealing with your spouse or kids? How about your friends?

What's your position in the circle of your friends? The guy who's always talking about something or the wise quiet one who can always be counted on?

I love the Lincoln quote,"It's better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt!"

Finally what about your relationship with God? Do we monopolize the conversation or do we ask a question and listen(ponder)? Think about it!

 Have a great day!

COMPLIMENTS

I was reading this morning about the power of a sincere compliment!

That's a lesson that has been driven home to me very forcefully over the years.

Somewhere our society has developed this totally screwed up idea that saying something nice to someone else is this personal weakness called "brown-nosing", and that becoming the King or Queen of the "put-down" is something to aspire to.

Why are we so gullible and foolish?

What I learned the hard way in my youth, is that every time I laid a great put-down on someone thinking to impress the others around me, not only did I not impress anyone, but I did immeasurable damage! Not only to the one whom I attacked but also to my own reputation!

Everyone else around me was wondering what I said about them when their back was turned or when I might think it was socially to my advantage.

Stupid-stupid-stupid!!!

Do you think people will respect you more if they always have to wonder if they will be your next victim, or if they know their name is sacred with you?

People trust those who they feel like "have their back"!

So take every opportunity you get today to give someone a sincere compliment! Watch how it affects them and ask yourself if that doesn't make you feel good or what?

Think 10 years down the road. Will you have more influence in your world if you have made it a practice passing out compliments every day or put-downs?

So have a great day today and help someone else do the same!!!

Family Priorities

As I was pondering what to share this morning and the saying, "No other success can compensate for failure in the home" keeps coming to mind!

Maybe someone needs to hear about this today! Don't feel condemned if you haven't exactly gotten an "A" in this class so far! You can always retake the class with some extra wisdom under your belt!

Most of us would say that our priorities stack up something like this; God, Family, Country, Work, etc...right?

But if we graphed out the way we spend our time everyday on a pie chart, I'll bet it wouldn't match up with what we just said our priorities were would it? Especially when we throw in things like electronic entertainment and sports right!

So here are a couple of hints that have blessed our lives!

Your relationship with your spouse is the single most important relationship in your life!

It's way too easy to let our kids take priority over our spouse.

Here are 3 books (besides mine!) that have had a major positive impact on Penny and my relationship:

Personality Plus by Florence Littauer, 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs.

All of these come as highly, highly, highly recommended reading for every married couple in the world as well as those wanting to learn to deal with people better!

With the kids, this principle from the bible has helped us weather many storms: "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it!"

In our society today, it seems like the standard is to send them to school and involve them in as many extracurricular activities as possible.

While neither of those things is bad in and of themselves, I believe what we miss way too often is taking time to teach our kids the true principles that this world operates under.

When they understand truth, they tend to choose truth as a lifestyle.

But when their perceived truth comes from a source that either ignorantly or purposefully teaches false ideas as truth they end up living a messed up life!

They never seem to figure out that you can not live a truly successful life based on false principles, no matter how much you want to believe them!

If we say our family is a priority in our lives, then lets let our actions prove it!

Have a great day!!!

3 Key Principles

Here are three of the key principles that we teach as vital to understand for a great relationship of any kind!

Principle #1

One  of the most powerful things that I have learned in all of my leadership training over the years is the concept of personality styles. I believe that not understanding this idea is at the core of 90% of our interpersonal relationship problems.

Most of us are aware of the concept but have never taken the time to understand it properly. Therein lies the problem. Understanding it is life changing!

I've got 4 friends who perfectly illustrate the challenge.

 #1 is the get it done at all costs, ready, fire, aim type. #2 is an organization is everything type. #3 is the if it's not fun and exciting why do it type. #4 is a peace maker.

Here's the problem. Each one views the others as having some character defects. The truth is that there is no one best personality type! All are important to accomplish anything worthwhile.

The take home principle is to allow others to magnify their own strengths instead of trying to make them become like you! (Round peg, square hole?)

The best leader is the person who works to understand all of the types and implement their strengths into their own personality!

Principle #2

A while back a friend of mine mentioned a book called "The 5 Love Languages". That book was a key turning point in improving our relationship. It helped me understand a strange experience that had happened to us a few years earlier. I'll bet many of you can relate to this!

Penny was having a rough day getting the house ready for company or something like that and she sent me to the store after something. While I was there I walked past the flower stand and in one of my rare moments of brilliance I decided to get her some flowers to tell her that I loved her and appreciated her!

Here's where it gets crazy. When I walked in the door, she took one look at me and my "stupid flowers", gave me the evil eye and told me if I didn't want them to rot, to take care of them myself! Yikes!

Now if you know her, that was totally out of character, so what did I do wrong?

I was trying to use the wrong love language to communicate my feelings to her!

Her Love Language has always been "Acts of Service" not "Gifts"! She really would have felt very loved if I would have helped her get the house ready instead!

Plus, it would have meant even more to her because she knows that I don't like to do that!

Reading that book has sure has saved me a lot of money on flowers since that time! LOL! And my sweetheart feels much more loved now-a-days!

Principle #3

Another turning point in our marriage came when we learned this simple truth. A woman's #1 need in her marriage is to hear and feel loved! A man's #1 need in his marriage is to hear and feel respected!

They are closely related but not the same. Love and Respect are Sister and Brother!

Remember guys, for the ladies, knowing they are respected is nice, but feeling loved makes their heart go Pitter-Patter!

For us men, it's nice to know you're loved, but feeling her respect is everything!!!

We just really want to "Be your Man!"

It really is the little things in life that make a difference. Here's the magic. All of these are easy to do...but they're also easy not to do!

If you just do that one little thing every day, how much farther ahead will you be after, say 10 years, than you would have been had you not?

What's your "Little Thing?"

For more info on all of these principles see our store front for the books and audios about them!

Nature or Nuture

One of my friends asked the question this morning if I thought we are who we are by nature or by nurture? Decided I'd share my thoughts for what they're worth!

Funny you should ask the question about nature or nurture because I've actually done a lot of study and observation along those lines. Here's what I believe.

I'm absolutely convinced that most of who we are comes from our environment; family, friends, surroundings, teachers, neighbors, TV, etc...

Did you ever watch a little kid who has a really bad attitude just like his dad for no apparent reason? You just look at him and shake your head because it's a total nonsensical reaction to a situation. Then you realize, that this is exactly how his dad reacts in a similar situation...and it usually doesn't make any sense when he does it either.

I've watched my own kids experience a new situation and make a judgement call on a person that really had no basis in fact. But I could see an immediate connection to a comment or action they had just recently witnessed from an influential person in their life. (not me of course, being practically perfect in every way!)

However with all that being said, all of our "nurturing" gets superimposed over our innate inborn personality style. There are 4 different types of personalities and dozens of combinations. So it's like watching the same movie on 4 different colors of screens!

I'm not sure that our personality has anything to do with genetics (having 8 kids, I think I can speak with a bit of authority here!) But I believe it it a character trait we brought with us from heaven!

Well, that's the short version of my answer, the rest of it would probably require a lengthy phone call at minimum!

Have a great day my friends!

The Power Of A Compliment

Reading this morning about the power of a sincere compliment!

That's a lesson that has been driven home to me very forcefully over the years.

Somewhere our society has developed this totally screwed up idea that saying something nice to someone else is this personal weakness called "brown-nosing". Also that becoming the King or Queen of the "put-down" is something to aspire to.

Why are we so gullible and foolish?

What I learned the hard way, is that every time I laid a great put-down on someone thinking to impress the others around me, not only did I not impress anyone, but I did immeasurable damage! Not only to the one whom I attacked but also to my own reputation!

Everyone around me was wondering what I said about them when their back was turned or when I might think it was socially to my advantage.

Stupid-stupid-stupid!!!

Do you think people will respect you more if they always have to wonder if they will be your next victim, or if they know their name is sacred with you?

People trust those who they feel like "have their back"!

So take every opportunity you get today to give someone a sincere compliment! Watch how it affects them and ask yourself if that doesn't make you feel good or what?

Think 10 years down the road. Will you have more influence in your world if you have made it a practice passing out compliments every day or put-downs?

So have a great day today and help someone else do the same!!!

The Power Of Association

One of the most powerful principles I've ever learned is called the "power of association" It says you become like those you most associate with!

Are the people we spend the most time with the types who are always encouraging us to excel at whatever we are trying to accomplish? Or do we spend our time with "friends" who are constantly telling us that we can't accomplish something because we are "this"... or we are "that"?

Whatever it is that you want to accomplish, find someone who already has it or something like it and will be your cheerleader or mentor and spend as much time around them as possible!

Things will begin to change when you put yourself in an "Atmosphere of Achievement"!

You can do anything you set your mind to! If you are surrounded by people who try to tell you otherwise...RUN!

Common Denominators

Ran into an old friend the other day and they spent the entire 15 minute conversation telling me how they had "told off" this person and that person and some other person.

What a sad way to live.

Kind of hard to have many friends when they always feel like they have to cuddle up to a porcupine to be around you!

If your life seems like a never ending series of rotten experiences, maybe it's time to wake up and look at the common denominator in all of the problems....you?

I'm not ragging on anybody here, just saying that life is a whole lot happier when you have a great attitude!

Realize that people make innocent mistakes, cut everyone a little slack, greet the world with a smile on your face.

Learn how to say, that's OK, and no problem, and I'm sorry, I didn't understand.

You'll actually be stronger for it rather than weaker!

Look for the good in other people and praise them for it!

If you think the whole world is out to get you, it's time for a reality check! News flash...the whole world is so busy dealing with their own problems that they don't have time to plan to make your life miserable!!!

So go out and have an awesome day! Whether the rest of the world wants you to or not!

Please and Thank You

All right everybody! Back to kindergarten! Or maybe back to Barney! Yeah the purple dinosaur!

Incidentally that's not back for me it's forward...and yes, I realize that makes me older than a dinosaur!

Please and Thank You ARE the magic words!

I was reading this morning about the power of sincerely using the words Thank You daily as often as possible! Seems to me that this is getting to be more and more of a lost art. My kids mumble it like it tastes bad and I see so many of us adults forget to say it on a daily basis that it amazes me!

This goes along so well with the idea of praising people that we talked about yesterday! Think about how it makes you feel when someone sincerely tells you thanks, sometimes even when you didn't totally deserve it!

When someone gives you credit for a great idea and thanks you for it, doesn't that just make you want to perform a little bit better next time! I know it does me!

I think that saying Please goes a long way towards changing our orders into requests too! Especially with our spouse and kids!

Big weakness there for this Dad! How about you?

Seems to me like for some reason we have really gotten away from these simple little common courtesies.

Please, Thank You, Good Job! All are great motivators and definitely build people up which is always a good thing!

Common courtesy, it's a good old fashioned value we need to build back up!

By the way, a big THANK YOU to all of you for your positive feed back and compliments on my posts! It's tremendously rewarding to interact with all of you!

Have an awesome day!

The Power of Praise

Reading in a book called, "How to Have Power and Confidence in Dealing With People!" There is a whole chapter just on the power of praising others.

Interestingly, he quoted scientific studies that showed that words of praise actually imparted a measurable increase of energy to the person receiving them!

I think we all kind of know that. But do we work hard to practice it everyday? I want to, but I know that I fall way short of being effective at it all the time. It is way too easy to find something to criticize and it just seems to flow out of our mouths without any effort.

Ha! Maybe that's the answer right there?

Anything worthwhile requires effort!

Hmmm...have to think on that one for a little bit!

Isn't our natural reaction to changing a bad habit like that, something like, aw...that's just too hard. It's not worth the trouble to change.

Well, I'm sure my kids and Penny think that it's worth the trouble for me to get better at praising them!

I know that, not only do I like a person better who constantly seems to be praising and sincerely complimenting me, but I'll also bend over backwards to do something for them if they need me too! Sound familiar?

Why don't we become that person who gives the gift of praise to others?

It's good for our marriages and our family relationships! It's good for our businesses and our church responsibilities! It's good for our jobs, our friends, our dog, and even perfect strangers!

That probably means it's good for us too!

The book said that studies are actually showing that praising anything, even an inanimate object like a plant causes it to perform better! There just seems to be some unexplainable actual power in words of praise!

It's probably another one of those eternal laws of the universe that God has been trying to teach us all along!

So have a great day!

Eldon Tapp thinks you are awesome and thanks you for being a great friend! I know you are capable of doing anything you set your mind to!

Family and Priorities

Pondering what to share this morning and the saying, No other success can compensate for failure in the home keeps coming to mind! Maybe someone needs to hear about this today!

Don't feel condemned if you haven't exactly gotten an "A" in this class so far! You can always retake the class with some extra wisdom under your belt!

Most of us would say that our priorities stack up something like this; God, Family, Country, Work, etc...right? But if we graphed out the way we spend our time everyday on a pie chart, I'll bet it wouldn't match up with what we just said our priorities were would it? Especially when we throw in things like electronic entertainment and sports right!

So here are a couple of hints that have blessed our lives! Your relationship with your spouse is the single most important relationship in your life. It's way too easy to let our kids take priority over our spouse.

Here are 3 books (besides mine!) that have had a major positive impact on Penny and my relationship: Personality Plus by Florence Littauer, 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. Highly, highly, highly recommended reading for every married couple in the world as well as those wanting to learn to deal with people better!

With the kids, this principle from the bible has helped us weather many storms: Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it!

In our society today, it seems like the standard is to send them to school and involve them in as many extracurricular activities as possible. While neither of those things is bad in and of themselves, I believe what we miss way too often is taking time to teach our kids the true principles that this world operates under.

When they understand truth, they tend to choose truth as a lifestyle. But when their perceived truth comes from a source that either ignorantly or purposefully teaches false ideas as truth they end up living a messed up life! They never seem to figure out that you can not live a truly successful life based on false principles, no matter how much you want to believe them!

If we say our family is a priority in our lives, then lets let our actions prove it!

Have a great day!!!

Urgent vs. Important

I've been thinking today about what's important vs what's urgent!

I talk to people all the time who are just too busy doing this or that to do something that might be really important in their lives.

Ever feel frenzied, frazzled, or realize that you're just busy being busy? Join the crowd!

I have a few suggestions.

First; Stop and smell the roses! Even dandelions will work! Just stop and smell something (beautiful of course)! Taking time out to ponder and wonder at this amazing world we live in is a great way to help us see our priorities more clearly! Busyness is really just a distraction.

In fact a mentor of mine told me recently that he considered Busyness and Laziness as two different symptoms of the same disease, Lack of Focus!

Second; Take some time out to examine your priorities. Figure out what is really important in your life and what is just urgent.

If you graphed out how you spend your time each day on a pie chart, would it reflect your priorities or someone elses?

Most of the urgent things will pass without any significant consequences.

Third: Spend your time (Your most valuable gift) only on things that really matter to your priorities and your life will begin to fill up with value and meaning!

Nobody on this earth is unimportant except as they allow themselves to be! No matter who you are, your life has meaning and it's up to you to find it and open the door!

Your life really is important in the grand scheme of things! If it doesn't feel that way, start looking at what you're spending your time on! Find out what your purpose is and pursue it with a passion!

Have an awesome day my friends!