Building on Principles

Thanks for all the great feedback on my post yesterday!

When it comes to having a great marriage, it's pretty obvious that there are a lot of facets to deal with! But rule #1 is that it's not just going to happen with no effort!

One of the biggest lessons we've learned over the years is to try to learn the underlying principles that govern building a great relationship rather than to try to follow someone elses strategies.

There are some relatively simple things you can do that go a long way, but what I've learned is that if you don't understand the underlying principle, your "simple solution" may completely backfire!

If you want to have a truly great marriage, become an eager student! Be careful where you get your information though! Make sure you are learning from someone with "fruit on the tree" rather than from a marriage "expert" who has been divorced 8 times!

Don't be afraid to ask people who you believe have great marriages, what their secrets are and what they have read and are using in their lives!

I think most of us realize that we are all quite different from each other, but I don't think we very often find out why and what determines or defines the differences.

We need to understand that there are personality differences, differences between man and women, differences in the ways we express and feel loved, blueprints or paradigms from our past, and other factors that play into great relationships!

For instance, if we already have a great marriage, is it possible that it could even be a lot better?

Or what about the person who thinks they have a great marriage, then "all of a sudden" finds their spouse leaving them?

Did they really have a great marriage? Or was it that they were feeling totally fulfilled but their spouse wasn't? Hmmmm...think about it!

It happens often actually that one spouse may be feeling totally loved and fulfilled in a relationship while the other may be feeling completely ignored and empty.

Here's the secret. One spouse may have very real feelings of love towards the other and think they are showing it often and abundantly, but the other may not feel anything of the sort because it's not being shown in their "Love Language"! They just flat don't recognize it as love!

My encouragement is to never get complacent about the most important human relationship in your life! Keep asking yourself and your spouse if all of their emotional needs for love are being met.

You might feel you are bending over backwards to keep them happy, but from their perspective, they may not feel like you're doing anything important.

Remember, love is a gift we give to each other!

Avoid the trap of thinking that what love means is that we just end up having to tolerate each other for the rest of our lives.

Tolerance and forgiveness are vastly important but they should be tools in our toolbox used to fix the occasional problem. If they are our everyday uniform, then we need to step up and fix the problem, whatever it is, starting with us!

When it comes to a great marriage - If it is to be, it's up to me! ...To begin searching for some true answers and some sincere communication!